Current mood:

bouncy

Just trying to write
I really don’t know of anyone that I can have a pleasant conversation with. I can have conversations with people who have known me before, but they are not satisfying. Either they are uncomfortable or I am uninterested or we are just playing again what’s been said before. I feel like this should be “fixed.” I’m fully capable of changing my being. I believe someone can do whatever they put their mind to, and I’ve changed my personality several times before… always with the aid of a change of scenery and always slowly relaxing back to my natural inclinations. That’s something I hadn’t realized before when I touted the power of free will.

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Today is –yet again—my fourth consecutive day of sobriety. I think I’ll make it because Alex has also committed to not drinking Sun-Thurs. It’s hard not to snack, watch TV, and drink when that’s what he’s doing. I’m just grateful when I can move it away from his desk and to the couch. I think he’s got a serious lifestyle problem, that being that he lives his entire life at a desk. Yeah, he shits in the can, but he eats, communicates, shops, etc. at his computer. I keep saying that we’ve GOT to start eating at the table, but when we do, he just reads his book. I feel so ignored. I’m sitting there eating my dinner, staring out the window or at the wall, thinking, what’s the point?

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My boss and I had a lovely conversation about this morning about our need to create a self-sustaining lifestyle and our fear that government is too powerful. He’ll retreat when the people rise up. I don’t think the people will rise up. I just want to escape, and I believe it is imperative to do so BEFORE scary scary things are required of US residents and/or citizens. That was right after I railed at him because…

Well, he had this really early pre-business day meeting so I was going to be sweet and prep his financial reports for the lunch board meeting (he had a two board call, too, so was just trying to help out). This is not something I normally do. Anyhoo, I found entries/transactions MONTHS old that would have gotten me FRIED if I had handed out that report. He is calm, cool, and has an established rapport with our community so he can get away with anything. I’ve gone to that exact board meeting before and gotten eaten alive over a financial status that’s been true for a decade and explained many times. (I didn’t know about it because I don’t usually go to the bod’s for that group so I was terribly worried something scandalous was about.) He had negative expenses and a line item under miscellaneous that was $9 Vendor Compensation (upon further research it has to do with sales tax).

Well, there I go contradicting myself... I had a pleasant conversation. Life seems so bleak at times.