Current mood:

chipper

Neo-Baptists
Today is my fourth day of sobriety. I think the last time that I was sober for four consecutive 24hr periods was November 2007.

I don't feel like I want to drink. I actually want to do other things tonight: strength-training, blackberry picking, yard work, shower, hulu-watching with Alex. I don't know why, but I always want to spend time with Alex on his fast days. I really really hate that originally I was disgusted by the amount of time that he spent at his computer-- even eating all his meals there-- and now it's rubbing off. I have thought about what and how much I will drink this weekend. I always set limits and rarely stick to them.

Anyway, now that my brain is unpickling, I find an old personality: a thinker, bitter and cynical, who moves fast in everything-- is productive and aware. It's hard to believe that it's been two years since graduation. I'm still not ready to talk to people-- new or otherwise-- or make friends in realtime. I don't know if I'll ever want to do that... I wonder who my children will play with.

I was just thinking at lunch that there is a hole in my argument about the power of free will. The exciting case studies I've heard about (i.e. comatose patients' brain wrinkles flatten out, tragedy victim's brain reorganizes so that functions from the lost/damaged area now work from other areas) are all responses to biological change. That's still one step away from saying that genetic and environmental impact on a person's personality/abilities can be overcome by sheer will. I maintain that Biologists are ignoring the self. I guess that's psychology... but where they meet! NEUROSCIENCE! That's where the cool sh!t is, man.

They'll figure it out. I don't think I've ever had an original idea. Everything I think, I find that someone else thinks. That's honest, but I still feel like everything and anything is available to me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me; God is the all-powerful creator of the universe; man was made in God's image. Gosh, I'm like some neo-Baptist. If I develop followers, you should shoot me.

I'm going to start co-posting on LJ. It would probably be a more appropriate medium than a dieting site. ;)